Thursday, December 4, 2008

Baby shower on Saturday!!!

I'm so excited to see all of the work that my sister and mother have been hiding from me for so long! I don't know anything about my shower other than who was invited, so it's been kinda rough for me to hand over the reigns completely, but also a blessing in disguise. I've been completely exhausted for the past few weeks and have been wearing myself down to the bone trying to get my life ready for Brooklyn.

I've had more and more anxiety lately about how all of this is going to affect my relationship with the Duke. He's such a sweet little boy and a part of me is really worried that I won't have enough to love both of them the same. Is this normal? Does every mom feel anxiety like this before expanding their family? Will I have enough love/energy/time for both of my beautiful babies? Does it make me a bad mom for jealously wanting more time with just my little boy? I'm conflicted and I know I should just be elated that Brooklyn is almost here and we haven't had ANY issues with this pregnancy at all, but I can't help but feel a little sad about the impending loss of time with the Duke. I know that we'll adjust and create a new routine that will include both of them and they will be fine, but I can't help but be a little fearful of the unknown. I remember being really scared right after Lukey Duke was born that I'd break him and that I wouldn't be able to handle all of the responsibility that came along with this fragile, squirming little boy laying across my chest. And then I remember the night after he was born, Matt was passed out on the fold-out bed next to me in the hospital, I think it was about 3am, and I just lay there sore but completely and utterly enamored with the tiny baby asleep in my arms grunting as he snuggled in close to me... At that moment, I knew that I would be a great mom and that from that moment on, he'd always be my number one priority. I know that my love for my babies will grow the moment I get to finally meet my daughter and makes room for both of them in my already bursting heart...

Heart Eye Pictures, Images and Photos

1 comment:

sxydre said...

I was worried about the same thing. I was worried that I wouldn't have enough to give or that I might not feel the same about my new miracle. But you will be amazed at how huge your heart will expand to. And how much you can love so many at once. My heart swells everyday and spills out my eyes in the form of tears, because of the overflow. It is amazing and I'm so excited for you