The Big D


   Normally I'd reserve that header for some sort of hilarious "that's what she said" joke but no such luck this time..... It's been a while and to be perfectly honest, my heart and brain have not been in a space where I wanted to think about my current situation let alone write about it. The weirdest part for me is trying to figure out how to refer to him in this weird limbo place that we are in. Is he still my husband, my kids' father, my ex, my soon-to-be ex, what the heck is he right now? The crazy part is that along with this separation and impending divorce I've had these insane moments of total calm and deep thought that I've never experienced before. I will be crying my eyes out, posting on the book of face about my beautiful baby girl's birthday and then get a notification from a member of my Warrior Village that he's posted more slander and hate on the internet or sent another death threat or is texting more venom to someone I love and then in a flash, I feel pain and sadness but not for me, for him. The farther I get away from him and the more time I spend among the sane and stable I'm seeing a pattern in him that makes me truly sad. This man is completely incapable of accepting fault or seeing any wrong doing in his actions, no matter how heinous they are and no matter who they hurt. He is truly incapable of taking ownership of his choices and decisions and the sickest part to me is that though I hope that this was triggered by his mental breakdown and loss of his job and possible drug use, my heart knows that it's just an addict spiraling out of control to his rock bottom. An addict now on his own, making decisions on his own which he hasn't done in over a decade, not being able to think a step ahead or exhibit any sort of self control or forethought. An addict blaming all of the outcomes of these decisions on me, always on me. 

  For a long time I did what I thought was right, I hid the truth, let him isolate me, made excuses for not being able to attend functions and enabled the beast inside of him. His love affair with alcohol poisoned our relationship so much that I eventually got so numb I just didn't care anymore. I found ways to stay out of the house as long as I could, avoided him at all costs, stopped making eye contact with him and eventually felt so invisible in my life that I thought I would never ever be able to get out. I never thought that the man I married would or even could become this monster that is lurking in the shadows, threatening my loved ones, demanding money or else and waging a full scale social media smear campaign against me. I never thought I'd be filing for a domestic violence restraining order or receiving pictures of guns and menacing threats at 3 am. I never thought he'd use our children as pawns, or try to lie and turn them against me. I never thought I'd be 35, with two kids and heading into a full scale, no boundaries war with the man I loved. 

  But it happened and now it's my goal to get through this on my level and my terms. I refuse to trash talk him or treat him like crap or disrespect his time or insult his family. That is not ME. Granted I'm still trying to remember who I am but I'm taking the high road. As my friend wisely said," he can't get your goat unless he knows where it's tied." Wise words my friend and my new mantra for the indefinite future. 

  
  

So, Hi. My name is Mommy D and I am the world's worst blog updater. I keep telling myself I will blog and then life happens and I don't remember for like A YEAR. No seriously, A. YEAR. 


  Ok, so now that that is over here i am again for my hopefully more than once a year update since a whole bunch o' crap can happen in a year! Ready for updates? 

So this happened. Yep another furry baby, another rescued monkey to add to our rag-tag group. He's a diva and ex-breeding stud so there is a lot of stuffed animal humping in our house right now oh, and a lot of pug-twerking.... Who knew pug-twerking was a real thing? Seriously I thought I captured some monumentally rare and hilarious incident of the pug twerking against a pillow and was going to be a Utube sensation but alas it's pretty common.... Really I swear check it out. MIND. BLOWN. 

And this happened. The truck I loved so much is no more. She actually turned into a money pit beast that after $7000 in repairs over 3 years just became too unreliable to keep. Tears... Seriously though I loved that truck but only really miss it when it rains and when I have to take all 3 pooches to the vet. Straight clown car action with one riding shotgun, and one sitting in each of the kids booster seats.... I need to get a picture of it. Nice to pay $90 a month in gas instead of $500!

And this beautiful little thing happened :)This is my niece Malia who shares a birthday with my daughter to the minute. Literally to the minute we made them double check.... Yes my friend is an amazing photographer/baby posing ninja - check her out! See (Book of Face) In The Moment Photography By Leila 




There's more but my fingers hurt, I'm out of practice ya'll :) 


Love you long time, hopefully see you sooner than later. Catch you on the flip side. hahaha, get it?

ME

So with all the changes going on in our lives right now I decided to add another because hey, I'm not busy right now right (insert chuckle here)?

I've gone Paleo. What is Paleo you may ask? Paleo is that crazy fad lifestyle followed by all of the CrossFit nuts that encourages you to eat life a cave man. So, basically I'm eating things that grown on trees and bushes and eating lots o' meat. Don;t get me wrong, I still crave pasta and beer and pizza and yummy deep fried things and I have them on occasion to hit that spot, but for the most part, I'm living the lifestyle as best as I can. I'm aiming for 90/10, 90 being on the plan and 10 for my off days when I want to cheat and eat a ballpark dog and have a beer and eat an onion ring and be like the rest of America. Here's a rundown of an average workday menu:

Breakfast

• 2 eggs scrambled with spinach and mushrooms and shallots, 2 or 3 pasture fed no filler chicken breakfast sausage links, a handful of blackberries or raspberries

Snack

• 3 mini fresh mozzarella balls (I'm not supposed to have dairy on the diet but I'm sure I was a mouse in another life and cheese is the one form of dairy I refuse to give up), a few slices of no nitrate prosciutto, half a cup of diced cantaloupe, a few black olives, and a small dill pickle

Lunch

• A hot plate of some kind, usually leftovers from the night before's dinner. Sauteed or grilled veggie assortment, a hunk of protein (usually chicken or lean grass fed steak or fish) and a few apple slices

Snack

• Greek yogurt, sliced raw veggies for dipping, a few slices of smoked salmon or sliced nitrate free / no filler sandwich meat, usually roasted turkey

Dinner

• Another hot plate consisting on veg and protein.... My favorite right now is spaghetti squash, homemade marinara, homemade mini turkey meatballs and a sprinkle of Parmesan

I'm not a big dessert person, or sweets person in general but if I'm craving something it's usually a small chunk of dark chocolate or some flaked toasted coconut....

I feel REALLY, REALLY good. I didn't think it would make a difference honestly and I thought it was all hype but I really do feel better. The shrinking waistline helps a little too :)



Will keep ya posted! Enjoy the long weekend ya'll. I'm off to chill with family, break the diet a little and have a crap ton of fun in the sun! PEACE. OUT.


Mama D

LIFE

Life is crazy, life is busy but damn it's good :) Run down of the first half of 2013:

• Foreclosure went through on our old house, packed and got the hell out of dodge with absolutely no regrets.
• Found an amazing rental owned by a friend of a friend that is HUGE, in the area we've always wanted to live in, down the street from the river, etc. You name it this house has it and rent is less than the old house payment, go figure!
• Adopted a new pup to add to the brood. His name is Marley, he's now a one year old 75 pound beast of drool and love :)
  




• My children are GIGANTIC! No really, they are growing so fast I can't keep up!!!! WTH? Capt. Duke is 7, just finishing up 1st grade and becoming quite the gamer. Brooklyn is 4, full of attitude and the best egg cracker and scrambled egg cook I've ever met!
• I'M HAPPY. That sounds weird and cliche, but I'm really, really happy. the 3+ years of house drama was so stressful and so draining that when we left both of us finally felt alive again. I really thought it would make me sad and I'd reminisce, but I haven't and I have no regrets what so ever about what happened and what we had to do and the direction we took our lives and our family.

LOVE

It's Been Awhile....

  Boy how time flies when you're busier than hell. Life is good, really good right now and I just sort of chose to live in the moment for the past almost year and devote less time to blogging and cataloging things we were doing. Lukey Duke will be 7 years old in about 3 weeks and Miss Brookie is about 4 months away from her 4th birthday. We're shockingly still living in the same house (still payment free as the bank has apparently not noticed we haven't made a payment in over 3 years) but Mommy D got a HUGE upgrade in transportation and has been loving every minute driving my new 2006 Expedition. The extra space is AMAZING! How the heck did we ever survive in our tiny Camry before?

  I got the chance to switch things up at work and took a chance on a new position that I wasn't sure I wanted but it's worked out to be the best career decision I've ever made. I'm now processing loans instead of just mindlessly generating disclosures and I truly love the chance to actively participate in the mortgage process now. The pay is also much higher which always helps and I'm learning a skill set that I can take with me to any other company god forbid I ever needed to find another employer. Hubs has moved up the ladder to managing all of the sales techs at the private company he works for and other than having to deal with pissed off customers, he's happy to be in a cushy desk job :)

  Luke just started first grade and is becoming quite the reader and although he's pretty bored at school (most of the other kids are no where near reading) his teacher & I have worked out extra homework and assignments to keep him motivated and learning at his pace. He's getting SUPER tall. I'm not sure where the heck those genes came from seeing as Hubs and I are both on the shorter side but it's fun watching him sprout!

  Brookie is truly a character. It's the world's biggest understatement to say she's animated. This girl has the gift of personality and gab like crazy! Most of the time I forget I'm talking to a 3 year old. She's got these big doe eyes and is learning very quickly how to get exactly what she wants!


More later (I SWEAR!) gotta work :)

Missed you more than you know!

Mommy D

M.I.A

So I'm not going to go through the hoopla of explaining why or where I've been, but I've been pretty bad about updating the blog.... What can I say, living life instead of blogging about it has been more important lately.

On that note, we've officially entered my favorite time of the year and I am rushing about decorating the house and carving pumpkins and planning my fall recipes. I'm on the hunt for a new fridge for the garage and just purchased a FoodSaver that I can't wait to try out. My Hubby has also been flexing his caveman provider muscles and has managed to catch close to 30 pounds worth of salmon from our beautiful American River in the past month, hence the FoodSaver to pack away what's left of the catch. He's also been experimenting with our smoker and made an amazing whole smoked chicken last weekend. He's promised me more Salmon so I can't wait to fill the chest freezer with fresh Salmon for winter.

  The babies are growing way to fast, with Capt. Lukey Duke a few months into Kindergarten and Miss Brookie enjoying her one on one time with Miss Carrie at daycare. Pictures to follow of our adventure at the pumpkin patch last weekend :)

What is wrong with the world today?

I am physically ill. How can someone blatantly murder their child and walk away from our justice system completely unscathed? I can't even put into words the amount of disgust I hold for that piece of trash that I refuse to give the honor of calling by name. I'm ashamed for the members of the jury that just let her walk out of that court room.... Why? There isn't a hell horrible enough for her and I only pray that Kharma will make her pay for her shameful disregard for innocence and the love and mother should hold for her child.

Laguna Beach

On our way back from the Vegas drive, we made a little side trip to Laguna Beach for some ocean and relaxing to the sound of the waves. We had an amazing time.... Our balcony door opened to the crashing waves and we laid a beach towel out and enjoyed quite the room service picnic for dinner :)

 

Here's a link to the amazing hotel we stayed in. Rooms directly on the beach, amazing restaurant on-site, and the entire place is decorated like a surfer's paradise....

http://www.pacificedgehotel.com/

Day 6 of the Sin City Diet

I am proud and a little astonished to announce that I am 10 pounds lighter as of this morning!!! I'm past the crazy carb and sugar cravings and feel really, really good. Next week marks the beginning of workout time ( I waited until I felt good and alert... Atkins can put you in a sort of funk with flu-like symptoms, ie. sore muscles, fatigue, headaches) and I'm excited and motivated to get up and get moving and watch that scale move! Going to aim for 30-45 minutes on the treadmill followed by 10 minutes of push-ups, crunches, planks, squats and arm workouts with weights. I'm debating staying on Induction (the most restrictive and weight-loss rewarding stage of the diet) for an additional 2 weeks, so 4 weeks total just to see how much I can lose before switching over to the easier, and higher carbs allowed per day stage right before we leave for Vegas. Wish me LUCK!

Day 2 of the Sin City Diet

So far, granted we're still very early in the game, I feel pretty good and the scale showed a 2 pound drop this morning! It's probably just water weight but it's a start. The last time I did Atkins I was much more haphazard about it and pretty much winged it without really researching the diet and reading the book. I was still able to drop a bit of weight but the food just felt so heavy since I was basically only eating protein (no healthy green veggie carbs like the book stresses) and bogging my system down. This time I've read the material and have been pre-packing my meals the night before so I don't really have to think once I get to work, I just grab my pre-made meal or snack and munch away. I also decided that I wasn't going to fill my daily protein allowance with red meat like I did last time. I don't eat much red meat normally so no sense in forcing myself to eat something all the time that I don't like very much :) I stocked up at Costco this weekend on lean ground turkey and salmon and am on the hunt today at Trader Joe's for nitrite-free lunch meat to fill any gaps while at work. I'm also picking and choosing my full fat condiments carefully since I'd rather get my fats from avocados, olive oil and fatty fish than from butter and full fat mayo. My only full fat total indulgence is Philly cream cheese since I adore it and usually only buy the low fat or fat free version... I'm going to get my butt back on the treadmill tonight and try to incorporate a 30-45 minute walk in every day for the first 2 weeks and then kick it up to a jog for the following weeks.

My menu for today:

* Breakfast *
2 scrambled eggs with mushrooms, spinach, and a sprinkle of cheddar cheese

* Snack 1*
1 cup of English cucumber rounds & cream cheese

* Lunch *
4 oz. Baked salmon with lemon pepper, & asparagus

* Snack 2 *
Mini Tillamook "Tilla-Moo" cheddar cheese, broccoli florets & blue cheese dip

* Dinner *
Roasted chicken breast, sauteed spinach w/ garlic & lemon juice

All in all sounds super yummy, totally satisfying and crave-worthy :)